THE WEDDING RAP

Write about a Celebration is today's writing prompt. After complaining about prompt topics, I challenged myself to devise a new way to address the prompt. How about a rap, I thought?

*Disclaimer: In order to remain true to the art of rap, I felt compelled to add minimal adult content.

DR. DRE, YOU OUT THERE??

Walkin’ down the aisle shoulda knowed it was all wrong
Hanging on to Daddy blocking out the Wedding Song
Night before the the wedding, the guys get drunk and wild
Going to the strip bar while she dreams of her first child

Chorus:
Yo ho, don’t do it, don’t go
He’s probably a loser; she’s probably a ho
Too many years left to go marry him and blow
Any chance for happiness cuz you’ll end up mired in woe

People smilin’ at me in my virgin white dress
Who’d a known it’d all end up a giant crazy mess
Dabbing at their eyes when we pledged our endless troth
Unaware years later we'd tell each other to go fuck off

Chorus:
Yo ho, don’t do it, don’t go
He’s probably a loser; she’s probably a ho
Too many years left to go marry him and blow
Any chance for happiness cuz you’ll end up mired in woe

He'll spend long days working, nights trolling match.com
While mama’s with the babies trying to a supermom
Holidays with turkey, stuffing, presents, stress and strife
Going out to parties as the perfect hub and wife

Chorus:
Yo ho, don’t do it, don’t go
He’s probably a loser; she’s probably a ho
Too many years left to go marry him and blow
Any chance for happiness cuz you’ll end up mired in woe

Then Oh Good Lord, just wait for the divorce
Which will inevitably happen as a matter of due course
The lawyer s they'll take ya cash and all ya self esteem
Chew you up, spit you out, till you cry and die and scream

Chorus:
Yo ho, don’t do it, don’t go
He’s probably a loser; she’s probably a ho
Too many years left to go marry him and blow
Any chance for happiness cuz you’ll end up mired in woe

She’ll take all your money; he will take your soul
He be in the poorhouse keeping her for years on the dole
Before you take a walk down that long, endless aisle
STOP and think for God's sake is it really worth your while

Chorus:
Yo ho, don’t do it, don’t go
He’s probably a loser; she’s probably a ho
Too many years left to go marry him and blow
Any chance for happiness cuz you’ll end up mired in woe

Get out whilst you can:

GO DAWG GO